[Piece of notebook paper stuck into the sauna wall with a kitchen knife.]
I do not want to allow another person to be made into a murderer, nor do I want to die. As I write, dawn is approaching, and I will try if I can to still be here to see the sunrise.
If you have found this letter, I might have failed, or I might have been whisked away to that place out of time.
There is an item that may help you find the person responsible.
I think I shall probably speak to you again, some way or another, but I have been allowed a little time to pen some goodbyes, and I think it best to take that time.
If we never see one another again, I would ask that you continue to assist Mr. Naruhodo, and look after his health. I have missed him terribly these past several months. Perhaps you may also tell him that, that I have been honoured to be his assistant. Please give my love to Iris. Please be gentle towards my father. I don't wish any of those three to know every detail of our time here, only the goodbye. I'm sorry to have to give you this unpleasant task.
Though I fear I have only been a burden, I do love you dearly and am grateful to have met you. I have treasured the time I have had with you and with Iris. Whatever the circumstances of our ties to one another the two of you are my dear family and always shall be. I wish only for you to be returned safely home to her, and to all of our loved ones, and I believe that we must be closer than ever.
I'm being allowed some time to pen my goodbyes. I hope it will not be goodbye, truly. But plans can fail, so I think it would be best to write my honest feelings.
You have been my dear and irreplaceable friend these past weeks. I have asked so very much of you, but you have shown me a sort of kindness I have seldom witnessed and refused to treat me softly even when you might have wished to do so. If I have died, then I must ask two more things of you now. First, I don't have anything I want to hide. Second, I would like you to find the truth of what happened tonight.
If I have died, I want you to know what your friendship has meant to me. On that day we spoke, I'm afraid I had rather given into despair. It felt as though I had been crying out with all my might, and no one would hear me or come to my aid. I was silenced, helpless and hopeless, and I thought I might prefer to die than to continue on that way. And then there you were, with all of your clumsy courage, demanding the truth from me, grabbing onto it and refusing to let go. Truly listening to me, and extending your hand to me in understanding.
You see, you saved me. Because of you, I did not give up but decided to try to keep going. And tonight, too, I will not give up. I don't want to take someone's life and I have never wanted that, so I will refuse absolutely to try, but I also refuse to allow myself to be the reason someone else has to carry that awful burden and will be ruthless towards that end. Nonetheless, while I want this person caught, I also demand of you that you will show them every ounce of compassion that you once showed to me.
I'm glad we were able to speak a little honestly with one another, at long last. Between the two of us, there was so much left unsaid, and I feared it was insurmountable. I know I chastened you for wanting to cast aside your doubts, but I wish I had found it in myself to simply, to trust in the person you are. You are worthy of that, I know.
Thank you for being my friend. I am afraid the person you described to me that night is not who I am, and I wish I have been able to explain.
Getting to know you has been a joy. You have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have encountered. It has distressed me to know that despite becoming friends and trying to work together, I have had to lie to you, and I have caused you such pain, and I have been unworthy of the trust you have placed in me. I am deeply sorry for that. But the words you spoke last week meant the world to me. To think that maybe, had we been able to talk about it, you still would have wanted to understand.
It's that quality of yours, that open heart and desire to understand the truth whatever it may be, that makes me certain you will be the key to finding our way through this. So please keep trying. I'll be counting on you and cheering you on.
I hope this letter will be unnecessary, but I ought to take the time to write it even so, since I have been so kindly granted it.
You have been a true friend since we have arrived here. Thank you for the many things you have taught me and the many conversations that have set my mind at ease. That is why I feel I must say that your life is irreplaceable, to me and to the people who love you. Anyone who cannot see that is someone I will never forgive.
If we see one another again, perhaps we will make bread again. I have plenty to punch that dough over now!
I think we shall probably speak again, but I have been granted the time to pen some goodbyes, and I think it best to use the time allotted and then some. I don't want to kill anyone and I don't want to die either, and maybe if I can somehow last until morning that will be possible. By now you must know whether I have succeeded, and if you are reading this I have likely failed.
I have enjoyed coming to know you better. The person you are, whyever and however you came to be that way, is a wonderful person to know. You are kind, and you care for other people and want to use your considerable intelligence to help them, and that is the core of the person I know. Thank you for trusting in me a little, too.
If you would like any notes from my book, you may have them. I don't know how well organized they are, but if I could be a help to you, I would like that.
This place we are in can test our notions of who we are, can't it? I admit, for so long, I ignored so much else of importance because all I wanted was for everyone to understand. It seemed a way to be of use, to keep demanding the truth and not letting the events of past weeks be forgotten. I have admired you very much all these weeks because I think that is something you are best at. You have never seemed to me to be after glory, or vengeance, or even peace of mind. Only the truth. I know you'll keep seeking it, though I hope you'll also remember that there are other truths - the person who existed beneath the corruption of angels, and who is still there and still worthy of compassion.
I will miss our conversations and the way you always treated me with such considerate respect despite I'm sure seeming like such a novice to you.
I wish we'd had more time. I always felt it was easy to speak to you and that you and I could be friends. I admire how poised and intelligent you are and I'm afraid I am also really beginning to need to stall for time here, so I would like to tell you about a few novels I have enjoyed.
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." These are the famous words that open Mr. Tolstoy's masterwork about social mores in the twilight years of the grand old Russian society as encroaching modernity begins to unravel this fabric and expose its hypocrisies. The novel opens upon the revelation that a Russian aristocrat has been unfaithful to his wife, threatening to tear his family apart. To calm the situation, his sister, our heroine Anna Karenina, arrives from St. Petersburg. Meanwhile, the dashing soldier Count Vronsky has come to Moscow to propose to the young debutante, Kitty. However, at the train station, Vronsky first lays eyes on Anna and becomes infatuated. The death of a railway worker warns us and Anna of the tragic fate that is sure to befall these lovers, given that Anna is wed, and yet they are insensate to the impossibility of their situation. It is a clever commentary by Mr. Tolstoy that while the infidelity of an aristocratic gentleman is a scandal, a married woman will face far more severe consequences for straying.
Nonetheless, Vronsky and Anna fall in love, and he snubs the young Kitty, who had already snubbed a suitor of her own hoping the dashing gentleman would propose to her. Anna refuses Vronsky and flees Moscow, but she cannot deny her own feelings nor the fact that she no longer loves the man to whom she is married. Vronsky continues to pursue Anna, and they begin an affair. Anna's husband believes her to be above suspicion, despite the lovers' affection for one another in public, but eventually she must confess. He demands she break off the affair, and begins to consider seeking a divorce. However, a divorce would require proof of Anna's infidelity and would be sure to ruin her, and when complications from childbirth leave her in poor health, he cannot bear to do it, instead forgiving her. Vronsky, shamed by the forgiveness, attempts suicide, and when Anna has recovered, she cannot bear it either.
The two flee Russia to elope, but cannot find happiness outside of their motherland, either. Vronsky in particular is restless and unhappy, and begins to lose his affection for Anna. He is revealed for the faithless man he is - pursuing a married woman in hopes that he would become happy, only to be as unhappy as ever even with her by his side. They return to St. Petersburg, where Vronsky is still accepted by his society friends but Anna is shunned, even by those who are known to have themselves committed infidelities, as her crime of leaving her husband openly for another man is far more shameful. When at last she sees she will forever be snubbed by all of her former friends, the pair leave for Vronsky's country estate. It is lavish, but lonely, and Anna becomes convinced Vronsky intends to leave her. She becomes dependent on morphine and suspects Vronsky of affairs, or of conspiring to marry another.
Eventually, in despair, at the very train station the two met, she throws herself between the wagon wheels of a passing freight train. The fate of Anna is contrasted with the fate of the young Kitty, who eventually marries the suitor she had once snubbed. While their relationship has their own turbulences, they live a simple aristocratic life in the countryside and avoid the corrupting influences of Moscow society and decadent wealth that plagues many of their compatriots. They remain faithful to one another and have a son together.
Another book I have quite enjoyed is the great Mr. Verne's tale, wherein a number of ships take sight of what appears to be an enormous and dreadful sea monster. An expedition sets forth from New York City to find the creature and determine its origins. However, soon they learn the "monster" is in fact a submarine, captained by the enigmatic Captain Nemo. They
I have always found you a pleasure to speak with. You have a gentle way about you that is most reassuring, but that hasn't slowed you down at all in working hard to try to uncover the truth of this place. That has always brightened my spirits as well - to know that whenever I speak to you, you will have new ideas and will be as determined as ever to get to the heart of the troubles that plague us. And I'm grateful for your trust in me, to share this with me.
I had been really looking forward to speaking more with you, but I'm afraid we're at an end for now.
Thank you for being my friend. I have always enjoyed spending time with you. I know that there are many serious things you have had to contend with, and I have felt that I have little to offer you when it is so far from the realm of my experiences. Perhaps playing in the snow together rather than contemplating these things is of no real help, but it has set my mind at ease and I hope it did for you as well. Even so, the Rika who asks people if they burned their house down and threatens to tear off someone's fingernails one by one is also a Rika whose company I quite enjoy.
I hope we will meet again; at the least, I do not think this is the last time we will speak.
Please punch some angels right in their face and cleave them in half with a sword for me! Please send more spiders to God! I'm counting on you! Team devils!
I'm not sure there is any sense in drafting all of these goodbyes, other than to buy myself a little time. But I did wish to tell you that your words have often been such a help to me. I am glad to have had the chance to come to know you. Thank you for not being content to accept a false version of myself.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
everyone (sauna wall)
I do not want to allow another person to be made into a murderer, nor do I want to die. As I write, dawn is approaching, and I will try if I can to still be here to see the sunrise.
If you have found this letter, I might have failed, or I might have been whisked away to that place out of time.
There is an item that may help you find the person responsible.
sholmes
I think I shall probably speak to you again, some way or another, but I have been allowed a little time to pen some goodbyes, and I think it best to take that time.
If we never see one another again, I would ask that you continue to assist Mr. Naruhodo, and look after his health. I have missed him terribly these past several months. Perhaps you may also tell him that, that I have been honoured to be his assistant. Please give my love to Iris. Please be gentle towards my father. I don't wish any of those three to know every detail of our time here, only the goodbye. I'm sorry to have to give you this unpleasant task.
Though I fear I have only been a burden, I do love you dearly and am grateful to have met you. I have treasured the time I have had with you and with Iris. Whatever the circumstances of our ties to one another the two of you are my dear family and always shall be. I wish only for you to be returned safely home to her, and to all of our loved ones, and I believe that we must be closer than ever.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
Xie Lian
I'm being allowed some time to pen my goodbyes. I hope it will not be goodbye, truly. But plans can fail, so I think it would be best to write my honest feelings.
You have been my dear and irreplaceable friend these past weeks. I have asked so very much of you, but you have shown me a sort of kindness I have seldom witnessed and refused to treat me softly even when you might have wished to do so. If I have died, then I must ask two more things of you now. First, I don't have anything I want to hide. Second, I would like you to find the truth of what happened tonight.
I hope very much we will meet again.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
thats so sad alexa play rochalizo
If I have died, I want you to know what your friendship has meant to me. On that day we spoke, I'm afraid I had rather given into despair. It felt as though I had been crying out with all my might, and no one would hear me or come to my aid. I was silenced, helpless and hopeless, and I thought I might prefer to die than to continue on that way. And then there you were, with all of your clumsy courage, demanding the truth from me, grabbing onto it and refusing to let go. Truly listening to me, and extending your hand to me in understanding.
You see, you saved me. Because of you, I did not give up but decided to try to keep going. And tonight, too, I will not give up. I don't want to take someone's life and I have never wanted that, so I will refuse absolutely to try, but I also refuse to allow myself to be the reason someone else has to carry that awful burden and will be ruthless towards that end. Nonetheless, while I want this person caught, I also demand of you that you will show them every ounce of compassion that you once showed to me.
I hope we will meet again.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
alisaie
I'm glad we were able to speak a little honestly with one another, at long last. Between the two of us, there was so much left unsaid, and I feared it was insurmountable. I know I chastened you for wanting to cast aside your doubts, but I wish I had found it in myself to simply, to trust in the person you are. You are worthy of that, I know.
Thank you for being my friend. I am afraid the person you described to me that night is not who I am, and I wish I have been able to explain.
I hope we meet again.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
rin
Getting to know you has been a joy. You have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have encountered. It has distressed me to know that despite becoming friends and trying to work together, I have had to lie to you, and I have caused you such pain, and I have been unworthy of the trust you have placed in me. I am deeply sorry for that. But the words you spoke last week meant the world to me. To think that maybe, had we been able to talk about it, you still would have wanted to understand.
It's that quality of yours, that open heart and desire to understand the truth whatever it may be, that makes me certain you will be the key to finding our way through this. So please keep trying. I'll be counting on you and cheering you on.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
yuri
I hope this letter will be unnecessary, but I ought to take the time to write it even so, since I have been so kindly granted it.
You have been a true friend since we have arrived here. Thank you for the many things you have taught me and the many conversations that have set my mind at ease. That is why I feel I must say that your life is irreplaceable, to me and to the people who love you. Anyone who cannot see that is someone I will never forgive.
If we see one another again, perhaps we will make bread again. I have plenty to punch that dough over now!
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
nero
I always wished I could tell you I was sorry. Thank you for being so kind to me anyway.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba.
flat
I think we shall probably speak again, but I have been granted the time to pen some goodbyes, and I think it best to use the time allotted and then some. I don't want to kill anyone and I don't want to die either, and maybe if I can somehow last until morning that will be possible. By now you must know whether I have succeeded, and if you are reading this I have likely failed.
I have enjoyed coming to know you better. The person you are, whyever and however you came to be that way, is a wonderful person to know. You are kind, and you care for other people and want to use your considerable intelligence to help them, and that is the core of the person I know. Thank you for trusting in me a little, too.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
kim (old)
If you would like any notes from my book, you may have them. I don't know how well organized they are, but if I could be a help to you, I would like that.
This place we are in can test our notions of who we are, can't it? I admit, for so long, I ignored so much else of importance because all I wanted was for everyone to understand. It seemed a way to be of use, to keep demanding the truth and not letting the events of past weeks be forgotten. I have admired you very much all these weeks because I think that is something you are best at. You have never seemed to me to be after glory, or vengeance, or even peace of mind. Only the truth. I know you'll keep seeking it, though I hope you'll also remember that there are other truths - the person who existed beneath the corruption of angels, and who is still there and still worthy of compassion.
I will miss our conversations and the way you always treated me with such considerate respect despite I'm sure seeming like such a novice to you.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
monika
I wish we'd had more time. I always felt it was easy to speak to you and that you and I could be friends. I admire how poised and intelligent you are and I'm afraid I am also really beginning to need to stall for time here, so I would like to tell you about a few novels I have enjoyed.
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." These are the famous words that open Mr. Tolstoy's masterwork about social mores in the twilight years of the grand old Russian society as encroaching modernity begins to unravel this fabric and expose its hypocrisies. The novel opens upon the revelation that a Russian aristocrat has been unfaithful to his wife, threatening to tear his family apart. To calm the situation, his sister, our heroine Anna Karenina, arrives from St. Petersburg. Meanwhile, the dashing soldier Count Vronsky has come to Moscow to propose to the young debutante, Kitty. However, at the train station, Vronsky first lays eyes on Anna and becomes infatuated. The death of a railway worker warns us and Anna of the tragic fate that is sure to befall these lovers, given that Anna is wed, and yet they are insensate to the impossibility of their situation. It is a clever commentary by Mr. Tolstoy that while the infidelity of an aristocratic gentleman is a scandal, a married woman will face far more severe consequences for straying.
Nonetheless, Vronsky and Anna fall in love, and he snubs the young Kitty, who had already snubbed a suitor of her own hoping the dashing gentleman would propose to her. Anna refuses Vronsky and flees Moscow, but she cannot deny her own feelings nor the fact that she no longer loves the man to whom she is married. Vronsky continues to pursue Anna, and they begin an affair. Anna's husband believes her to be above suspicion, despite the lovers' affection for one another in public, but eventually she must confess. He demands she break off the affair, and begins to consider seeking a divorce. However, a divorce would require proof of Anna's infidelity and would be sure to ruin her, and when complications from childbirth leave her in poor health, he cannot bear to do it, instead forgiving her. Vronsky, shamed by the forgiveness, attempts suicide, and when Anna has recovered, she cannot bear it either.
The two flee Russia to elope, but cannot find happiness outside of their motherland, either. Vronsky in particular is restless and unhappy, and begins to lose his affection for Anna. He is revealed for the faithless man he is - pursuing a married woman in hopes that he would become happy, only to be as unhappy as ever even with her by his side. They return to St. Petersburg, where Vronsky is still accepted by his society friends but Anna is shunned, even by those who are known to have themselves committed infidelities, as her crime of leaving her husband openly for another man is far more shameful. When at last she sees she will forever be snubbed by all of her former friends, the pair leave for Vronsky's country estate. It is lavish, but lonely, and Anna becomes convinced Vronsky intends to leave her. She becomes dependent on morphine and suspects Vronsky of affairs, or of conspiring to marry another.
Eventually, in despair, at the very train station the two met, she throws herself between the wagon wheels of a passing freight train. The fate of Anna is contrasted with the fate of the young Kitty, who eventually marries the suitor she had once snubbed. While their relationship has their own turbulences, they live a simple aristocratic life in the countryside and avoid the corrupting influences of Moscow society and decadent wealth that plagues many of their compatriots. They remain faithful to one another and have a son together.
Another book I have quite enjoyed is the great Mr. Verne's tale, wherein a number of ships take sight of what appears to be an enormous and dreadful sea monster. An expedition sets forth from New York City to find the creature and determine its origins. However, soon they learn the "monster" is in fact a submarine, captained by the enigmatic Captain Nemo. They
That's all the time I have! Goodbye, Monika.
alphinaud
I have always found you a pleasure to speak with. You have a gentle way about you that is most reassuring, but that hasn't slowed you down at all in working hard to try to uncover the truth of this place. That has always brightened my spirits as well - to know that whenever I speak to you, you will have new ideas and will be as determined as ever to get to the heart of the troubles that plague us. And I'm grateful for your trust in me, to share this with me.
I had been really looking forward to speaking more with you, but I'm afraid we're at an end for now.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
rika
Thank you for being my friend. I have always enjoyed spending time with you. I know that there are many serious things you have had to contend with, and I have felt that I have little to offer you when it is so far from the realm of my experiences. Perhaps playing in the snow together rather than contemplating these things is of no real help, but it has set my mind at ease and I hope it did for you as well. Even so, the Rika who asks people if they burned their house down and threatens to tear off someone's fingernails one by one is also a Rika whose company I quite enjoy.
I hope we will meet again; at the least, I do not think this is the last time we will speak.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
power
Please punch some angels right in their face and cleave them in half with a sword for me! Please send more spiders to God! I'm counting on you! Team devils!
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba
list
blindness (2 days)temper tantrums (1 day)
camouflage (1 hour)
flight (10 minutes)
Spike
I'm not sure there is any sense in drafting all of these goodbyes, other than to buy myself a little time. But I did wish to tell you that your words have often been such a help to me. I am glad to have had the chance to come to know you. Thank you for not being content to accept a false version of myself.
Yours truly,
Susato Mikotoba